Heismans and Lucky Choices

Time to break down two or three of the more ridiculous moves that Shaun T (who has now taken to referring to himself in third person, a fact that brings me more joy than free beer at a football game...well, maybe not that much joy, but a lot of joy) expects you, the worker outer, to do.

Diamond Jumps - these things are brutal. Not satisfied with simply jumping in the air and tucking your knees up into your midsection ("jump-knee-tuck...the MOTHER" - Tony Horton), Shaunt T decides that instead you should jump in the air while simultaneously pulling your heels and feet together under you, and touching your fists together over your head at the top of the jump. When properly executed, the worker outer takes the form of a diamond. When done by the rational groom, it looks like the token overweight cheerleader who's mom bankrolls the squad even though the uniform doesn't quite fit her right. These things are the devil.

S-S Jumps - These make an appearance in the warm up...THE FREAKING WARM UP! You put your hands on the floor, with straight arms directly under your shoulders. You start with both feet at approximately a 45 degree angle, with your butt in the air (probably really attractive at my house at 5:30 in the morning). You then pull your feet into your stomach while also moving them across your body so that it sits again at a 45 degree angle (for math geeks, the distance your feet travel would be equivalent to 90 degrees. You do this constantly for 45 seconds, or however long Shaun T feels like making you do it. They are hard, and if I don't tuck my shirt in, I have to stare at my belly which reminds me that I have a long way to go.

Switch Kicks and Floor Switch Kicks - The poster children for how INSANE these workouts really are. The standing version is included in the fit test. It requires you to hold your elbows out in front of you with your fists up by your shoulders/face. You then proceed to kick one foot straight out without drawing it back first, kind of like a leg raise. As you drop your foot, you have to kick the other foot out in front of you. At high speed, you are essentially hopping while kicking in front of you. These suck. Then the floor version, you sit with your feet under you and your hands back, with your stomach in the air in a table position. You then kick alternate kicking your feet in the air until you collapse from exhaustion (about 15 seconds for me).

I bring up all of these moves for a common reason. As I'm doing them, I am pounding on the floor with my feet and also gasping for air. Today, during my workout I was torn from the torture to contemplate how lucky I am to have a bottom floor apartment. My apartment hunt went something like this
Me: Do you have apartments?
Them: Yes.
Me: How much do they cost?
Them: More than you can afford.
Me: Thanks for the John Coffee
Two Weeks Later
Them: We have one you can afford, but it won't be ready until Sunday when you have to move out by.
Me: Where do I sign?

So I didn't really bargain for the first floor, and really it wouldn't matter because P90X and Insanity were only conceptual theories to me at that time. But had I been saddled with an upper unit, I think these workouts would have been impossible, as my neighbors would think there was a constant earthquake happening. This was really lucky.

One last move is the Heisman and its cousin the 1-2-3 Heisman. They are pretty unremarkable, except for the past two workouts where the bane of the Insane Bride's existence, Tanya, gets straight heisman-ed during the love fest that follows every workout. I chuckled to myself when I saw it both times, then thought "I should write a blog about that."

Then I chuckled and went about my life. In case you are wondering, the wedding is getting close. The Insane Bride and I have but 2 free weekends between now and our blessed union. I am pretty excited about it. It can't get here soon enough.